We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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