I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
