you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
