This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
