she looked like the bat from fern gully.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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