Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
