two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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