My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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