I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
