i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
