It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
