what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
