the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
