Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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