Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
