I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
