In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
