I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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