R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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