He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
