Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
