happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
this just has baby written all over it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
