Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
