I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
where am i from again
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
