oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
