Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
