I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
