dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
