If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
