i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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