My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
