we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
