why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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