At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the day after is always just damage control
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
