five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
