do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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