Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize