I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
