On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize