wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
