I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
