That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
