i just wanna soil my oats bro
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize