Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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