I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
