HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
