Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
