Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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