first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My vagina is officially offended.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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