I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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