This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
