i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
