They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
