only if we run a train.
done.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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