what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
