he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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