I'm gonna have a badass scar
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
