New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
