my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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