She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
