i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize