it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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