This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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