We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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