ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
