You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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