you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
